Life Lesson #2 Coaching

I have been helping coach my old high school softball team for the past few months. The season started in early February; after open gyms and try outs, we finally decided on a team that we thought would play well for us. As of lately the girls are finally beginning to trust in the coaching staff. We are starting to see some major progress from some girls, while others we have seen fall short and lose their positions. It has been an interesting experience to say the least.
I've personally told the girls that, " if they were to play with the confidence I had in them, they wouldn't lose a game, because that is how much I believe in them." Yet, I still have girls who will stand at the plate and watch 3 strikes go by without lifting the bat off their shoulders. It's frustrated me to the point where I want to scream, pull my hair out and create a scene. They have all these fears that won't allow themselves to open up and take a chance on themselves. They won't swing because they know they have holes in their swing and they are afraid to show them. They won't swing because they are afraid of making a fool of themselves. And the worst, they won't swing because they don't believe they will hit the ball. As I've sat back and tried to think of ways to help them overcome this fear I thought back to my own career playing. I had those same fears and concerns. I was too prideful to admit it then, but looking back now, I know the issues they are facing are the same ones I faced. Oh, how the Lord works in mysterious ways.
My thoughts soon changed and brought me back to my Father in Heaven. How often had I frustrated him because I stood and watched 3 opportunities go by? How often was He frustrated with me because I know I am awkward (Or I have holes in my personality) so I don't welcome people to the ward when I first see them? How often has He been frustrated with me because I won't participate in ward activities because I don't want to look dumb and show up alone? And the worst, how often has He been frustrated with me because I don't feel worthy of His love or worthy enough to use His Atonement? His patience must be endless. He has been coaching me since before I can remember. He has been my biggest cheerleader and supporter. He has attended every single game, every single trial, every single practice, every single burden, every victory and every loss. Not once has He thrown His hands in the air and told me that I am a lost cause. Not once has He quit coaching or given me the silent treatment because he resented a mistake or an error that I had made. Sure I've been benched a couple times. I've even been yelled at. But I have also been showed my potential. I have been showed a love that I cannot measure or even begin to comprehend. I have been given tools and skills to show that love to others. Heavenly Father must look at each of us the same way any coach would look at his players. He must see all the talent, potential and room for growth in each of us, it would only make sense since He created us. I remember as a kid, a coach of mine would always tell me that they can't play the games for us. They couldn't be on the field and make the decisions. But they trusted that through our preparation we would make the right decisions. How true that must stand for our Father in Heaven. How much He must love and trust us to come to the earth and make the right decisions in this life.  He has trusted you and I to do all we can to make sure we return to him. He has trusted you and I to look out for each of our brothers and sisters who may need help along the way. He has trusted in you and I to go back to our "coach" when we know something is wrong or we have done wrong. He is a coach that never ceases to teach. A coach that will never give up on you. He loves you and I can promise He will always be there for you. I can hear the Him repeating my words with a little twist of his own, "If you were to live life with the confidence, love, adoration, patience, and peace that I have for you, you wouldn't falter nor question what my plan is for you."

Perfection

The thing I love about the gospel and the Book of Mormon is that it isn't full of perfect people. The BOM is a perfect example of what life is like. No one is perfect. The prophets in that book were never perfect. They had their flaws and had their faults, however, what made them the leaders and disciples we know them to be is the fact that when they weren't perfect or when they messed up, they did everything in their power to make it right and to do right by The Lord. And that is how they became favored by The Lord. Not from being perfect but from being imperfect and perfecting themselves through him.

 I find it interesting that in this life, we make ourselves believe that we only have 2 options: perfection or giving up. However, I am coming to learn that, that ideology is a mistake. Perfection may be the ultimate goal but it cannot be expected right away. Just like a young one learning a sport or to play the piano. His skills and abilities will need to be honed and worked on. He is going to dribble wrong, or hit the wrong key once or twice ( or a lot) for a while, but we expect that to happen. We don't expect perfection from him. We don't tell him that he isnt worthy of being able to keep practicing, we expect him to keep trying. So why do we change the tune when it comes to different things such as our own personal conversion or spirituality? Why do we make ourselves believe that we need to be perfect in order to be loved by our Father in Heaven? Those 2 options are one of the biggest lies that could fill our minds. Perfection can be an illusion if we do not understand that there is a long, hard road to get there. A road with many hills and valleys. A road that is sometimes paved but can also be a rugged dirt road. The road can be many things, but one thing it is not is short.

With that being said, for those of you who are trying, who feel like your are at your wits end of something. For those of you who feel like you're not good enough to keep trying. For those of you who feel like you have been thrown to the wolves and forgotten, I beg of you, keep going. Don't quit. Hold on for a moment more. Angels are coming to your aid and will give you whatever you stand in need of. 

Have a fabulous week! :) 

Character

Picture this. It's freezing outside. You are driving down a busy street, while on the street you see a woman chasing after a bus that had just left the stop she was headed towards. You can see the panic and disappointment on her face as you pass and she accepts the fact that she will have to wait another half hour in the freezing cold for the next bus to stop.

You weren't the only ones to see this happen. It is a crowded street filled with people anxious to get home. But as you pull over, car after car continue on their way deciding to ignore this woman's distress. 

You pick her up and realize she speaks absolutely no English. You have no idea where she needs to go, only the direction of where the bus was headed. You crank the heater in hopes to warm up the sweet soul in the backseat. "Thank you" is the only phrase you are able to make out of the exotic language she is speaking. It wasn't said in broken English, for neither of those words needed mending. It was more than enough. 

As you drop her off at the bus stop just a few seconds before the next bus arrives she exits the car and for the first time you get a good look at her. You realize how small and frail she is. The thought of how cold she must be passes throug your mind. Again, she wholeheartedly repeats those perfect words, "Thank you!" With that she rushes to get on the bus. 

The interesting part of the whole thing is that as the woman leaves on the bus you are left with a feeling of gratitude for her. You are left with a feeling of love for her.  You want to follow that bus and make sure she arrives to her destination safely. 

The ability and capacity we have to love and be loved is infinite, meaning that there is no limit on how much we can love one another and how much we can be love. The only thing allowing those limits to be created is ourselves.Christ's  character shows just that. Time after time he shows us how to look to serve others. Time after time, no matter what he was facing, not once did he ever turn inwards and have a pity party for himself. Time after time he looks out to find others to uplift. Elder Bednar puts he perfectly when he says, "Character is revealed in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress."

 I can only speak for myself, but I'm not sure what my character would reveal based on those standards. I would hope they are close to the Savior's. I don't hand pick my experiences, but I am grateful for the simple life changing lessons I learn through them as hard as they may be. I pray to be better. It's a work in progress. A never ending work, for my salvation is eternal and so shall be my work towards it. So from here on out, consider to be open to love. Allow love to enter your heart. Allow it to fill and warm your heart as you shareand receive it. Don't limit yourself on how much you can love another human being. It may change your life. 

To answer your question

My mom, not too long ago, asked me what I would do if I were to ever get taken prisoner while on the mission. Of course, what seemed like an easy answer("just do what the spirit tells me") wasn't so easy for me to come to. The tomboy inside of me wanted to shout that I would fight back but I simply responded with a unenthusiastic "I don't know." 

Although I am weeks late to answer this question, I've finally found my answer, however, my answer is simply another question. "Why should I fear death?" 

With the knowledge I have and an ever growing testimony, I have no reason to fear such thing. 

Luke 9:24 :) 

It's Funny the way life is...

It's funny the way life is. Yesterday I had a beautiful gift given to me by a dear friend. She isn't an active member, and I have never been one to force her to church. I always believed that when the time was right she would be in church for the right reasons. But I didn't realize that I would be the one to tell her of that time.

 I tried so hard to just be that supportive friend that never got mad if she didn't go to church. Be the friend who would invite but never pressured. I tried to be the friend that lead by example in hopes that she would follow. But when I started texting her telling her it was time to get her back to church, faith took hold of me. 

It's funny the way life is. 

It was right before sacrament, I looked up as we sang a verse of the hymn, and there she was. I'm sure the color (not that my face has much color...thanks Utah winter!) quickly left my face. Tears filled my eyes as she took her seat next to me. I wrapped my arm around her, told her how happy I was to see her, then gave a quick prayer of thanks. It's funny the way life is. 

A few hours after church had finished we began texting. I, again, expressed how happy I was to see her walk through those doors. She teased me for crying, but then became serious when it came to the feelings she had pass through her. She wanted to change her life. She could feel this change within her grasp, but is too afraid to extend her arm and grab it. This was when I realized why I had been through the trials I had faced the past couple of years of my life. It was this moment, that I was being prepared for. It's funny the way life is. 

As we talked, she began to ask how to change. She wasn't sure where to start or what to do. I began explaining my story. That for so long in life I tried to do it on my own. I tried to figure it all out and found that I was barely getting by. I tried to handle temptations, fears, and heart break on my own, but I was never ever enough. I couldn't do it all. I wasn't a superhero with unlimited strength or the ability to withstand and fight all evil. I was/am human. I make mistakes. I fall. I break. It wasn't until I began to tell my story that the thought came to me, "How can The Man who gave up his Only Begotten son, ever let me down?" He allowed His son to die for me. No, not just die, but be tortured and tormented beyond my comprehension; how could He ever give up on me when He allowed all that to happen. I just...never gave Him enough credit. I never...I never give Him the opportunity to hold me and quiet my fears. I never gave Him the opportunity to step in and take over. I was too busy trying to hide my problems, my fears and my worries from the rest of the world that I was also hiding them from my loving Father in Heaven. It's funny the way life is. 

I can't tell you how this story is going to end. Her journey has just begun. But, the future is bright and although life is still hard and will continue to get harder, my faith is deepening and my love for Him who gave all, is expanding. It's funny the way life is. 

Tonight

I lay here wide awake listening to my best friends snore. The night has been one of emotion and heartache but also a little healing. In one night, my eyes have been opened to much more than I can put into words. 

As of late, I have been filled with this unwavering amount of faith. I no longer questions things in my life, it is as if I know for sure who the Maker and Author are of my life. I am not always quick to remember Him or thank him for all He has given me, but tonight, tonight I know that He is and has been watching over me. Tonight I know that He has been watching over my friends. Tonight I know that my future rests solely in His hands, for there it is safe, and there it will continue to remain. Tonight, I understand the love He has for all His children, whether you believe in him or call Him by a different name. Tonight, I can feel His spirit engulf me as I pray. Tonight, I know that all will be well, and true happiness can only be found through Him. Tonight, tonight, I am thankful for nights like tonight. 

Conversion

Being a member of the Church of Latter-day Saints and living in Utah, some may think it is easy to stay along what they call the "straight and narrow". However, surprisingly, it leaves plenty of room to be content with where you are in life and what you are doing with life. For a long time I believed I was on the escalator to Heaven. I believed that life had given me such a bad hand that I should simply be exalted because I somehow found a way to make it through those rough patches and keep on living. I was at a standstill, foolishly believing that I was moving forward. I sat, motionless, and watched those around me move on with life; some got married and moved away, others were having kids, some were starting college, some were serving missions, others returning home from their missions and others had left this life to be reunited by family on the other side. And yet there I was, numb and paralyzed.
I know now what I failed to realize then, the people passing me by worked every day for what they had. They had no days off. The past few YEARS of my life had been my days off. I wasn't willing to work and live for what I believed. I didn't understand that absolutely nothing in this life worth having was going to come for free. It wasn't that I didn't have a job or sat at home all day and did absolutely nothing. It was that I wasn't living my life with a purpose. I was going through the motions of each day, but I was expecting to get somewhere. I simply didn't understand how the smallest of things (praying, reading scriptures, serving, going to all church meetings) would create the biggest changes in my life. The people passing me by worked everyday for those things. They made time for those things. Which is something that I failed to do.  
As I began my journey back, I realized just how content I had become in being lazy with the things that meant the most to me. Simple things like saying thank you to a person who had served me became hard for me to do. I had become bitter and lonely and wasn't ready to accept the fact that my laziness had gotten me there. Temptations became harder. I didn't have the strength to fight most of them, so, for the most part I gave in and became reliant on the fact that I wasn't worthy to go to church or even worse, pray. But as days past, and as I continued to strive to work on me, I soon realized my strength to fight temptation began to grow. I had a different outlook on life. Throughout the day my thoughts would no longer wonder to wants and wishes, but would find their way back to the Savior and his sacrifice for me. I began to crave goodness. I was beginning to understand the Saviors love for me.
 This "work" soon became something I enjoyed and looked forward to. I made friends who were in this "work" with me. They pushed me in ways that I cannot even begin to put into words, but most importantly they loved and encouraged me to be better and do better without even realizing it. For the past few months we have joined forces to come together and rejoice in this "work." Our own personal conversion cast light on others, and has helped them find their way back to our Savior as well. We aren't perfect, nor do we pretend to be, we know that each of us has flaws, but just as our Savior does, we look at them and work to make them strengths.
I feel as though I am a pioneer. I see the temptations, I am aware of the hardships to come, but my faith will be my rock. I know what I am working towards, I know my past and I also know what my future can hold. One of the people I have been blessed to meet in this journey put it perfectly when he said, "I have fallen in love with this gospel, and nothing will ever change or come before it."