Conversion

Being a member of the Church of Latter-day Saints and living in Utah, some may think it is easy to stay along what they call the "straight and narrow". However, surprisingly, it leaves plenty of room to be content with where you are in life and what you are doing with life. For a long time I believed I was on the escalator to Heaven. I believed that life had given me such a bad hand that I should simply be exalted because I somehow found a way to make it through those rough patches and keep on living. I was at a standstill, foolishly believing that I was moving forward. I sat, motionless, and watched those around me move on with life; some got married and moved away, others were having kids, some were starting college, some were serving missions, others returning home from their missions and others had left this life to be reunited by family on the other side. And yet there I was, numb and paralyzed.
I know now what I failed to realize then, the people passing me by worked every day for what they had. They had no days off. The past few YEARS of my life had been my days off. I wasn't willing to work and live for what I believed. I didn't understand that absolutely nothing in this life worth having was going to come for free. It wasn't that I didn't have a job or sat at home all day and did absolutely nothing. It was that I wasn't living my life with a purpose. I was going through the motions of each day, but I was expecting to get somewhere. I simply didn't understand how the smallest of things (praying, reading scriptures, serving, going to all church meetings) would create the biggest changes in my life. The people passing me by worked everyday for those things. They made time for those things. Which is something that I failed to do.  
As I began my journey back, I realized just how content I had become in being lazy with the things that meant the most to me. Simple things like saying thank you to a person who had served me became hard for me to do. I had become bitter and lonely and wasn't ready to accept the fact that my laziness had gotten me there. Temptations became harder. I didn't have the strength to fight most of them, so, for the most part I gave in and became reliant on the fact that I wasn't worthy to go to church or even worse, pray. But as days past, and as I continued to strive to work on me, I soon realized my strength to fight temptation began to grow. I had a different outlook on life. Throughout the day my thoughts would no longer wonder to wants and wishes, but would find their way back to the Savior and his sacrifice for me. I began to crave goodness. I was beginning to understand the Saviors love for me.
 This "work" soon became something I enjoyed and looked forward to. I made friends who were in this "work" with me. They pushed me in ways that I cannot even begin to put into words, but most importantly they loved and encouraged me to be better and do better without even realizing it. For the past few months we have joined forces to come together and rejoice in this "work." Our own personal conversion cast light on others, and has helped them find their way back to our Savior as well. We aren't perfect, nor do we pretend to be, we know that each of us has flaws, but just as our Savior does, we look at them and work to make them strengths.
I feel as though I am a pioneer. I see the temptations, I am aware of the hardships to come, but my faith will be my rock. I know what I am working towards, I know my past and I also know what my future can hold. One of the people I have been blessed to meet in this journey put it perfectly when he said, "I have fallen in love with this gospel, and nothing will ever change or come before it."

2 questions

I have a thing for doctors, but it isn't a good thing. In fact, I don't really like doctors. I don't feel the need to go to a doctor unless I am bleeding out of my eyes (it hasn't happened, don't worry)or am being forced or taken by other people (happens a lot, not a big fan of it). However, I recently went to the doctor to get a few things checked out (my mom made me go). While there he asked me 2 question that took me by surprise.

Now, this had been the first time I have met or had ever been seen by this doctor so I was a little on edge. The nurses came and went after asking all the questions they had about my family health history and what not. Since I was able to answer less than half of the questions I realized it is about time to learn more about my family's health. The moment of truth came a few minutes later. As the doctor walked in I held my breath. At the door with a look of disgust he stopped abruptly, took a quick short breath and asked "Did you fart?"  I couldn't respond...the look of horror and complete embarrassment, I am sure, covered my face. I was so nervous I couldn't remember if I had or hadn't! I manged to shake my head "no" and to that the doctor began to laugh, a laughter I will soon not forget.

The second question was the question that really stuck with me and helped me realize just how happy I am when I serve others. The question was simple, "A million dollars, what would you do with it?" Since I was still traumatized from the first question, I wasn't sure how to answer this question either. But now, I think I know how I would answer it. Sure, getting out of debt, paying everything off for my family and possibly taking them on vacation are serious things that I would love to do with that kind of money, but what would truly make me happy would be to give it to people in different, secret ways. Paying for someone's gas, paying for another's groceries, finding a way to pay someone's rent, electricity and gas bills, are just some of the examples I could think of off the top of my head. Things that are usually a must for the life we live in today. Things that are maliciously nagging at us until we pay them off. Those are the things I want people to be free of. I've come to realize that I am truly happiest when I serve others. I sit and cry as I watch people who are truly grateful for a kind act done to them (like watching undercover boss or some of the youtube vidoes floating on facebook) The joy and gratitude that they show cannot be matched. It fills your soul with so much love and warmth that you want to repeat the act that you just witnessed.

The best part of this random act of kindness is that these people have no idea who has done it or why. They have no one they feel they need to repay, they will simply feel as though someone cares for them. Because they won't have anyone to repay, they may just reciprocate the action to someone else. They may reach out and help someone else who may be in need. Can you imagine a world where everyone just took care of each other? I know it seems far fetched with some of the things that are happening right now, but what if that is how we begin to teach our kids. What if we could change the world by teaching our kids to do these acts of kindness? Allow them to see that putting away our own desires and needs to go out and serve someone else can help them learn more about themselves than any other thing could. Call me naive, but I believe it is possible. I may not have kids and I may not be married (or even remotely close to that happening haha) but I do plan, when the time comes, to teach this to someone of this happiness that comes from serving others. Not for the glory of it all, but for those simple tears of gratitude that appear in that person's eyes.