Life Lesson #2 Coaching

I have been helping coach my old high school softball team for the past few months. The season started in early February; after open gyms and try outs, we finally decided on a team that we thought would play well for us. As of lately the girls are finally beginning to trust in the coaching staff. We are starting to see some major progress from some girls, while others we have seen fall short and lose their positions. It has been an interesting experience to say the least.
I've personally told the girls that, " if they were to play with the confidence I had in them, they wouldn't lose a game, because that is how much I believe in them." Yet, I still have girls who will stand at the plate and watch 3 strikes go by without lifting the bat off their shoulders. It's frustrated me to the point where I want to scream, pull my hair out and create a scene. They have all these fears that won't allow themselves to open up and take a chance on themselves. They won't swing because they know they have holes in their swing and they are afraid to show them. They won't swing because they are afraid of making a fool of themselves. And the worst, they won't swing because they don't believe they will hit the ball. As I've sat back and tried to think of ways to help them overcome this fear I thought back to my own career playing. I had those same fears and concerns. I was too prideful to admit it then, but looking back now, I know the issues they are facing are the same ones I faced. Oh, how the Lord works in mysterious ways.
My thoughts soon changed and brought me back to my Father in Heaven. How often had I frustrated him because I stood and watched 3 opportunities go by? How often was He frustrated with me because I know I am awkward (Or I have holes in my personality) so I don't welcome people to the ward when I first see them? How often has He been frustrated with me because I won't participate in ward activities because I don't want to look dumb and show up alone? And the worst, how often has He been frustrated with me because I don't feel worthy of His love or worthy enough to use His Atonement? His patience must be endless. He has been coaching me since before I can remember. He has been my biggest cheerleader and supporter. He has attended every single game, every single trial, every single practice, every single burden, every victory and every loss. Not once has He thrown His hands in the air and told me that I am a lost cause. Not once has He quit coaching or given me the silent treatment because he resented a mistake or an error that I had made. Sure I've been benched a couple times. I've even been yelled at. But I have also been showed my potential. I have been showed a love that I cannot measure or even begin to comprehend. I have been given tools and skills to show that love to others. Heavenly Father must look at each of us the same way any coach would look at his players. He must see all the talent, potential and room for growth in each of us, it would only make sense since He created us. I remember as a kid, a coach of mine would always tell me that they can't play the games for us. They couldn't be on the field and make the decisions. But they trusted that through our preparation we would make the right decisions. How true that must stand for our Father in Heaven. How much He must love and trust us to come to the earth and make the right decisions in this life.  He has trusted you and I to do all we can to make sure we return to him. He has trusted you and I to look out for each of our brothers and sisters who may need help along the way. He has trusted in you and I to go back to our "coach" when we know something is wrong or we have done wrong. He is a coach that never ceases to teach. A coach that will never give up on you. He loves you and I can promise He will always be there for you. I can hear the Him repeating my words with a little twist of his own, "If you were to live life with the confidence, love, adoration, patience, and peace that I have for you, you wouldn't falter nor question what my plan is for you."

Conversion

Being a member of the Church of Latter-day Saints and living in Utah, some may think it is easy to stay along what they call the "straight and narrow". However, surprisingly, it leaves plenty of room to be content with where you are in life and what you are doing with life. For a long time I believed I was on the escalator to Heaven. I believed that life had given me such a bad hand that I should simply be exalted because I somehow found a way to make it through those rough patches and keep on living. I was at a standstill, foolishly believing that I was moving forward. I sat, motionless, and watched those around me move on with life; some got married and moved away, others were having kids, some were starting college, some were serving missions, others returning home from their missions and others had left this life to be reunited by family on the other side. And yet there I was, numb and paralyzed.
I know now what I failed to realize then, the people passing me by worked every day for what they had. They had no days off. The past few YEARS of my life had been my days off. I wasn't willing to work and live for what I believed. I didn't understand that absolutely nothing in this life worth having was going to come for free. It wasn't that I didn't have a job or sat at home all day and did absolutely nothing. It was that I wasn't living my life with a purpose. I was going through the motions of each day, but I was expecting to get somewhere. I simply didn't understand how the smallest of things (praying, reading scriptures, serving, going to all church meetings) would create the biggest changes in my life. The people passing me by worked everyday for those things. They made time for those things. Which is something that I failed to do.  
As I began my journey back, I realized just how content I had become in being lazy with the things that meant the most to me. Simple things like saying thank you to a person who had served me became hard for me to do. I had become bitter and lonely and wasn't ready to accept the fact that my laziness had gotten me there. Temptations became harder. I didn't have the strength to fight most of them, so, for the most part I gave in and became reliant on the fact that I wasn't worthy to go to church or even worse, pray. But as days past, and as I continued to strive to work on me, I soon realized my strength to fight temptation began to grow. I had a different outlook on life. Throughout the day my thoughts would no longer wonder to wants and wishes, but would find their way back to the Savior and his sacrifice for me. I began to crave goodness. I was beginning to understand the Saviors love for me.
 This "work" soon became something I enjoyed and looked forward to. I made friends who were in this "work" with me. They pushed me in ways that I cannot even begin to put into words, but most importantly they loved and encouraged me to be better and do better without even realizing it. For the past few months we have joined forces to come together and rejoice in this "work." Our own personal conversion cast light on others, and has helped them find their way back to our Savior as well. We aren't perfect, nor do we pretend to be, we know that each of us has flaws, but just as our Savior does, we look at them and work to make them strengths.
I feel as though I am a pioneer. I see the temptations, I am aware of the hardships to come, but my faith will be my rock. I know what I am working towards, I know my past and I also know what my future can hold. One of the people I have been blessed to meet in this journey put it perfectly when he said, "I have fallen in love with this gospel, and nothing will ever change or come before it."